Blogging’s Impact

I have received some kind comments, someone even said they found my blog encouraging which pleased me a great deal. One of the things that often makes me hesitant to continue writing on this site is that it quickly became a place where I wrote down a lot of my darkest thoughts and went into quite a lot of detail about my feelings when I was at very low points in my life and I don’t know how useful that is to anyone who may be reading it. I worry that my very depressing and probably frequently triggering posts may make someone who happens to stumble upon this site feel worse and I really don’t want that to happen.

The problems I experience are not typical of every social anxiety sufferer and just because you might have the same condition, it doesn’t mean you are going to end up a wreck like I am. I have made a lot of bad decisions in life and depression along with anxiety and possibly having an avoidant personality have all contributed to where I am now.

Blogroll update

A lot of the blogs I used to read and link to have either disappeared or are no longer updated so I’ve removed them for now. I added a couple of new links but I need to find some other good new blogs. I’m sad that I can’t follow how the people whose writing I used to follow quite closely and I hope that they’re doing well.

Getting By

First a few site updates, for the first time since 2008 I have rewritten the “About” page to be more relevant and explain a little more about myself. I also added a Contact page in case anyone would like to write to me for some reason. I also updated my blogroll which was similarly out of date. Sadly, almost all the blogs I used to read have either been deleted or not updated for many months. I hope that those people are all OK. I left the blogs that still exist on there in case they come back.

At university things are going a little better. I have had some grades back and I’ve done quite well so far which is a relief. I finally managed to get the motivation to put some real hard work into my project and arranged a meeting with my supervisor who looked over my report and seemed quite pleased with it. He gave me some notes but I have been too anxious to read what he said yet. This is a strange quirk which I have had for a long time and can’t seem to shake off. It used to be the case that I would never post on forums because I’d be afraid to read anyone’s responses to what I’d said. Emails would go unread for weeks because of the same fear and I have the same worries about comments on this blog. I always fear that someone will have written a damning criticism of my comparatively inconsequential problems but luckily nobody has seriously hurt my feelings here so far.

It is a relief to feel that I am actually up to date with university work, a situation I am not too familiar with. Despite my best efforts, I often find myself behind on assignments or missing lectures but this semester I have only missed 2 lectures, one I overslept for and the other because of anxiety but this is a huge improvement on previous semesters.

Some Quick Answers

Quite a few people find this blog by searching for a question on Google or wherever and I thought I should perhaps address a few of them. Sometimes I feel really bad because I present what is probably the worst example of how a person with social anxiety disorder behaves and I don’t want anyone looking it up to think they will turn out like me :S

Ok here’s some answers:

should i write my psychologist a letter

is it weird to send a letter to your psychologist?

Yes I think that it can help to write things down, especially if you have trouble talking or remembering what you meant to say like I do.

why do i think i am the only person who has social phobia

I used to feel this way too, but you definitely aren’t the only one. Have a look at the links on the right hand side and you can find out a lot more about social anxiety and other people’s experiences.

i’ve turned into a weirdo from bullying

I am the same way. I think I used to be an OK person before I started being bullied and now I honestly don’t like what I’ve become. I suppose it’s never too late to start trying to make changes in your life.

i’ve got this little thing that i’ve learned to do lately. when it gets so bad and i think i can’t go on, i try to make it worse. and when i’m certain that i can’t stand it, i go one moment more. and then i know i can bear anything. would you like to help me? come dance with me then.

I’m not sure what to make of this one. Sorry, I don’t dance…

Spring Cleaning

I decided to ditch Entrecard as I wasn’t able to make enough points to advertise anywhere decent enough to bring in traffic and some of the ads it served up were questionable to say the least.. I’m hoping to put more useful resources from Amazon in the sidebar soon.