I honestly cannot express how sorry I am to anyone who reads this site. Please, please believe me when I say that I seriously thought that I was at end of road. On friday or saturday night (I can’t remember what days things happened on) I took 50 amitriptyline tablets and a whole blister pack of diazepam, sent out an email to some people I know but wouldn’t otherwise find out, and thought that was it.
(un)fortunately someone apparently told the police and the next thing I can remember is lying in a hospital bed with my family staring at me.
Nothing I said made sense, even to myself. I was convinced someone had stolen my bag and later on I couldn’t get anyone to acknowledge I existed and told my family that I had thrown a jug of water at some people so they would look at me. I honestly thought I was dead or invisible.
After a semi-conscious argument with a psychiatrist yesterday, it was decided that I had to stay in hospital. The amount of syringe marks, IV lines (including some bizarre thing in my neck) and general crappy feeling was horrible to say the least. I had several nightmares while I was there and it is still hard for me to figure out what actually happened and what I imagined. I’m still kind a bit out of it so forgive me if this doesn’t make sense.
This morning I managed to convince them to discharge me. I thought it was a few days later than when I took the pills but found out that it’s been a week. I remember nothing before Friday, its very disconcerting and I am unbelievably guilty.
I can’t think of anything that could express how sorry I am for all the trouble I’ve caused. The people who cared, to anyone I upset, I’m truly sorry. Please don’t think I did that for attention. I never meant to cause a panic. I’ll write again soon, still not feeling fully clear in my mind.