I bumped into my project supervisor in the hallway yesterday and he said we need to talk about my project, with which I am woefully behind on the work, and I think he said he would email me or asked me to email him, I can’t exactly remember because I was overcome by anxiety. Anyway I just sent him an email explaining the situation and that I was struggling with earlier work but have made a real effort to try and catch up, and my attendance is much better this year (I’ve only missed one session since the start of the semester) so hopefully he will be understanding. He’s not a strict person, more one of the younger lecturers who seems to like to communicate with us on our level if you know what I mean. He’s also been made head of my specific course so I’m hoping he’ll have a look over my records from last year and realise I’m not making things up. I did do some project work this weekend but I still have a lot to catch up on.
The classes I was taking before Christmas had very hard assignments but time I have more of a handle on what’s going on and my grades have been alright so far so I’m hoping that I can dedicate more of my time into the project. I say time, but really it’s mental effort that is my problem. I have no real shortage of actual time, it’s not like I’m trying to juggle work with any kind of social life like most people, but honestly most days just making it into university and managing to eat some food is extremely mentally draining on me and I don’t feel up to work. I know that sounds pathetic but those things really take it out of me. When I have days off and I don’t have to worry about going out and getting food, I can work for hours but those days are few and far between.
This is a stupid incident to obsess about, but a few weeks ago I tripped walking down some stairs and hurt my ankle but what concerned me more than that was that people saw me and it must have only added to my appearance as an awkward weirdo. I don’t know if any of you have seen the film A Beautiful Mind, but I feel like the main character in that (besides the hallucinations and mathematical genius haha) in the way that people regard him as an outsider, a strange character that is a source of humour for them. Sadly I don’t have the academic aptitude to make up for that.
I don’t know what the point of this post is really, I’m just feeling a bit down and I kind of miss having the people who used to read and comment here to talk to. I’ve lost contact with almost all my friends from the social anxiety sites and don’t really have anyone to talk to who can relate any more.