Obsession

Standard

Triggering, I guess. Just like the rest of this blog.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am obsessed with my own death. I eye up buildings and balconies wondering if they are high enough to provide a fatal drop. I keep looking at the fire escape on one of my university buildings and wondering if I could make it to the top before someone spotted me. The pills are still in my cupboard, the sheer volume of them is daunting though. I bought anti-emetics. I wrote down what times I’d need to take them in order to stop me puking the lethal ones up.

There’s no single event that is making me feel like this, it’s a chronic thing, not an acute crisis. I feel like the walking dead, it feels weird that I can walk about campus and talk about next year even when I half expect not to be here. When I’ve discussed these things with the crisis team in the past, they asked what stopped me from doing it. I told them I didn’t want to hurt my family but I’m not really sure if that’s true. Maybe it’s hugely selfish of me, to put them through that pain to end my own but when was the last time I did something purely for myself? Don’t I deserve to have my way for once? Do I owe them a lifetime of suffering?

It is futile seeking help for this, I know there are only a few outcomes. 1: The same thing as before, they ask me the same old shit and can’t comprehend how I feel and what it’s like to live like this and I end up with intrusive busybodies coming to my house for a few days. 2: They lock me up, that’d cause my family as much pain as if I did it and I don’t think I could take it. 3: They increase my meds and continue the status quo. I don’t think they really believe I am serious because I don’t cut myself and I haven’t taken any pills as far as they know. How can I sum up my entire life’s experience and answer the question “Why do you want to kill yourself?” I’ve written thousands of words on this blog, probably enough to fill a small book and that doesn’t even tell the full story. How can I, with my limited vocal expressive capabilities even start to explain it all?

Don’t read if you don’t want to hear about suicide

As for what is really stopping me, I don’t really know. I feel like I owe people an explanation but I don’t think I can do it justice. I have written a suicide note for my family but it doesn’t tell the full story. I don’t think I want them to know just how pathetic I really am. What about the few people I could vaguely call friends? I don’t want to leave them wondering but I don’t want them to know what a miserable excuse for a human I am. Should my secrets die with me, only visible to those few who read this site? 

I notice on the news whenever someone dies prematurely, family and friends always describe them as full of life and “everyone liked him/her”. I don’t suppose it’d be much of a surprise to people if I went through with it. You could say “Well I always expected it to be honest, he never smiled and barely said a word to anyone. Nobody liked him or will even notice he’s gone”. You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m really not. I’ve been here a week without people knowing I’d even come back one time. What a great loss to humanity I would be, a loner who does nothing but drain away the resources of everyone around him, emotional and material. A waste of opportunity, a waste of space and energy.

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20 thoughts on “Obsession

  1. Stacy

    I read this and although it’s comforting to know someone else out there has the same thoughts, about suicide, life,and death, and how what a huge and constant battle it is to walk through life on auto-pilot because existence just isn’t satisfying is one of the most excruciating pains one can experience in this existence. I’ve also thought do I owe anyone (parent included) to live just because society frowns upon early exits? I don’t know about you, but i’m tired of pills and talking about the same things to my counselor that I know won’t change…It’s funny because I think even death would take preparation and I too wonder do I take my secrets to the grave? I’m sorry I didn’t have positive words to contribute, but I agree pretty much with everything you say or are feeling. If your still in school I give you kudos because i’m nearing finals and feel like giving up and most of my classes aren’t even on campus!

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  2. Roger

    Hi Nick,

    Sad to hear about your SA and how it’s affecting your life. Particularly sad because I’ve been there and know how it feels, the futility of it – after all, if you can’t love and respect yourself why should anyone else?

    Anyway, I’m after a favour from you as I feel you are an IT Wizard. I’m a silver surfer, new to all this technology.

    Please advise me, my Operating System appears to be corrupted. When the PC was new I experimented with all types of programmes, I was told that I couldn’t do any physical damage to the PC and as long as my antivirus was up to date there would be no problem. I respect the people who told me that and so it must be me who’s done something wrong!

    I’m finding that whatever I do, regardless of the type of programme I run, there are problems, the PC freezes, turns itself off, keyboard doesn’t correspond with what appears on screen.

    Can you see my problems? I’ve downloaded fixes and patches but everything is corrupted, a complete mess. How can I reprogramme the Operating System? – that’s obviously where the problem is?

    Can I install a repair over the top or do I need to remove the corrupted file/programme first and then install the new one?

    I’ve used the uninstall option but no joy.

    I’m losing heart because of all the problems, I feel sicker and sicker with each failed attempt to fix the thing. I’m beginning to believe that it’s me who’s to blame as even children can use computers with no problems.

    Hoping you can help before you reach the end of your tether with the SA, it would be a shame to lose the knowledge you have with your IT skills – before you’ve helped me with my IT problem.

    Many Thanks in anticipation.

    Regards

    Roger

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  3. @Stacy
    Thanks Stacy, I am still at university, just finished my first year. I’m really sorry to hear you feel like that too 😦 I wish I could offer some words of encouragement but I don’t know what to say either.

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  4. Roger

    Nick / Stacey,

    I look back at how my life was when I was 16 to 24 – I remember the pain, being different in a negative way. I had the same thoughts as you both (as probably do most sufferers of SA at some time).

    I went on to join the Fire Service. I remember the fear I experienced when falling through a weak floor, hanging by the belt of my breathing apparatus over the flames below. I tell you what, I didn’t want to die then! The relief as my partner hauled me back up and I remember the cruel jokes (at my expense) back at the station after the fire.

    However, the fear at that time was not as severe as the regular fear I used to get when confronted by social situations.

    For most of my 30 year career I lived with ‘the fear’. Despite that, I passed exams, practical assessments as well as written. Firefighters can be particularly offensive when, during the exam practice sessions, you are stood out in front of them on the drill yard, pulling them up on their practical ability (nit-picking really). The comments after these exam training periods really hurt but somehow I got through it.

    I eventually became a Watch Commander in charge of 16 others at a busy station. Taking parade was a daily nightmare. Stood there in front of 28+ robust firefighters, bringing them all to attention, dismissing the off-going Watch and then detailing duties for my own Watch.

    I had that stomach churning every single time, it didn’t ease despite taking parade hundreds of times.

    Then one day I typed in ‘Social Phobia’ on Google. I couldn’t believe it when hundreds of matches came up on the screen. I recall crying with relief when I realised I wasn’t unique, a freak, or all the other labels I had given myself.

    But, I still had all the discomfort of the Social Anxiety.

    Well, I don’t have it any more. I can go to social functions, make the occasional speech (feel nervous but not self concious) and live like the majority.

    I achieved this by accident. I was having counselling for PTSD but the anger aspect was not shifting. At one session I broke down and blurted out about my SA. I think the counsellor was taken aback and asked if I wanted to try a different form of therapy, for my anger. I agreed and 5 minutes later I couldn’t connect to the anger issue. 18 months of talk therapy and no progress, 5 minutes of Energy Psychology and although I could remember the events the emotional aspect had gone.

    I turned up at the next session and the counsellor tested my anger response but I couldn’t connect to my old anger however much I wanted to. He then said he understood how the SA must be affecting my life and went through the process again. Because there are so many triggers for SA it took four sessions (30 mins each session) to bring my discomfort level down to zero.

    OK, what is this magic cure I hear you asking. Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT as it’s more commonly called. The most comprehensive website is run by Gary Craig at emofree.com

    It costs nothing and the search facility provides accounts from practioners on how they have successfully treated SA.

    EFT is also a self help tool, don’t try to understand how it works, you don’t have to believe in it for it to work either. I spent two years trying to disprove it, by treating colleagues and their families (my motive was primarily to disprove it) and all I succeded in doing was proving to myself, and a significant number of other people, that it works.

    My enquiring nature led me to examining other energy pschology techniques and I now incorporate useful aspects of different systems when I facilitate other people to clear issues, phobias etc. I call my system EDIT (Emotional Dysfunction Intervention Technique).

    Nick, please excuse my original post which was deliberately provocative – to try and get a reaction, please answer my questions though, thanks.

    OK everyone, out of interest, please try this test.

    Have a drink to moisten your throat.

    Say out loud “my name is Nick” (or whatever your real name may be).

    Now swallow. Note how easy it was to swallow.

    Now say out loud “my name is Susan Boyle” (unless, of course, you are Susan Boyle!!!)

    Now swallow. Was it as easy as the first time with your own name?

    If not, WHY?

    Comments please

    Kindest Regards

    Roger

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  5. Stacy

    Thanks Nick, It’s just hard because I think once you reach a certain point in depression (specifically i deal with agoraphobia,depersonalization, social phobia/anxiety) that all you can do is be on auto pilot. I personally don’t think life is worth living that way, but in attempting suicide one more time i’m pretty sure I’d get it right and both the pressure of what letters (if any) or explanations do I leave behind in a way is probably the main thing that keeps me from doing it. I’d probably prefer to attempt it elsewhere where know one knew me so I wouldn’t embarrass family or friends. Sad to say it isn’t my zest for life, or that I think things will get better are the reasons keeping me from thinking about it so much, because I know they won’t. I’m in school too right now and it’s been a huge struggle, i’msuppose to transfer and move out of state to another school but with me barely getting by this semester because of my depression issues I sometimes wonder why do i torture myself and even try at school? I couldn’t give you the answer to that one either….But I do know it means something that despite the tremendous things we have to deal with day to day and then throwing school on top of it and all the uncomfortable dealings with instructors/students it says we are at least trying….I feel that is one thing we can take some pride in, because if other people truly knew how we felt on a daily basis and experienced it I can say with confidence most of them would not be trying like we are, whatever are reason for trying may be……thanks for your reply…..i get annoyed with counselors or others telling me “oh it’s going to change” or “it’s not going to always be like this”……..lies!

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  6. Hi Nick
    I don’t know what to say and I wish I did because you’ve been really great, honestly. I don’t know how you managed it, but you actually said things that helped and you’ve been one of the very few people who have got through to me in that way. It seems you have a bit of skill at empathy and at helping other people and I just wanted to remind you of that I guess. As far as I’m concerned, it would be an enormous loss if anything happened to you and I’m sure a lot of people would agree, especially around here. Sorry i can’t say anything much, but I’m thinking about you.

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  7. Roger

    Nick, hope you’re OK, the silence is worrying!

    Nick / Stacy / Hannah / others with SAD

    Did you know that you were born with only two fears?

    These two fears are the ‘fear of loud noises’ and the
    ‘fear of falling’. All the other ‘fears’ that you have
    you were conditioned to fear.

    So any other fears you have – you’ve ‘learned’.
    These fears can be changed and evolved.

    Remember when you believed in Santa? At that time in your life it was a ‘truth’. Without external intervention you are likely to have spent your whole life believing that!

    It’s the same with SAD. You’ve ‘learned’ your reaction to social situations. It doesn’t matter when and how, the discomfort you feel is real.

    However SAD only exists until you accept that it’s only one of many potential truths for you – there are alternatives that you can experience in exactly the same social situations CONFIDENCE, CALMNESS and COMPOSURE.

    It’s how your subconcious reacts that dictates how you experience the situation.

    SAD is reversible and anyone who tells you otherwise is misleading you, however well intentioned they may be.

    There can be secondary gains to SA – for example, Nick has many new likeminded friends by writing his blog. If he rids himself of the SA he’d probably lose you too.

    Of course, Nick could accept that change is possible, dump the SA and then help you all dump it too. Nick then keeps you all as LIVE grateful friends, and then becomes a major player in changing lives for the better, now and in the future.

    MUCH BETTER THAN DISCUSSING SUICIDE.

    Remember – “Misery Loves Company”

    Regards

    Roger

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  8. Roger

    OK Nick, thanks for letting your readers know you’re safe.

    Try this:

    Speaking out LOUD……….

    “My Sub-concious, pay attention – when I use my cue word, which will be EDIT, you will instantly follow the instructions I am going to give you”.

    “My sub-conscious all the anxiety caused by the problems I have been thinking about, you will locate the source of the anxiety and associated fear and DELETE those anxieties and fears wherever they are located in my body or mind, and in their place you are instructed to INSTALL CALMNESS, CONFIDENCE, COURAGE AND COMPOSURE”.

    “These instructions are to be commenced immediately and will be completed by the time I wake up after next sleeping”

    “My Sub – conscious, I now us my cue word EDIT – EDIT – EDIT”

    Well Nick, it’s as simple as that. Your subconscious is literal and will do what YOU instruct it to do. Of course, input from other sources is also programmed in by hearing, seeing, etc. but those sources require more repetition unless the stimuli is dramatic.

    However, deep rooted programming (conditioning) can still be uninstalled and re-written by YOU, simply by using the system above. It is important you delete the old programme first and then install the required programme (reaction) in it’s place.

    I know it’s weird but NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)works on a similar principle and that technique is well respected.

    OK Nick, if you’re feeling too tired to think about it, just recite OUT LOUD what I’ve written for you. You will notice a shift in your perception of your ‘problems’ and then you should do the same process addressing any REMAINING anxiety, fear etc.

    Nick, the only cost to you is a few minutes of your time (probably less than you would spend writing up the next part of your blog).

    With best wishes for a future free of your anxieties and fears,

    Kindest Regards

    Roger

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  9. Stacy

    Hey Nick…hope things are going alright…i just finished my semester too sometime last week and am wondering if i’m going to put myself through another semester again….I was having trouble signing on, and I had a couple of questions about meds or whatever but didn’t want to type it all here. I might be wrong but there are other things in my life besides depression and social anxiety that I have to deal with and being depressed just makes that worse. I don’t think people understand that if your whole existence is filled with stress in every aspect living becomes a battle every second of the day when your awake. I also want to say my comments about how things are, its just how I feel. It’s not a misery loves company thing and I wouldn’t wish severe anxiety or depression on anyone. I just think it’s best to be honest about how you feel because just telling people what they like to hear doesn’t help at all.

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  10. Thank you Roger and everyone else who reads here, I really do appreciate your support even though I feel I don’t deserve it. I can’t really try that speaking exercise because there are other people in the house now and they’d probably think I was going insane heh.

    I think my problems lie much deeper than just the anxiety itself though. I’ve tried medication that relieves the anxiety (in the short term) and although that helps, I still have a lot of trouble being around people. I have a deeply rooted negative self image, one that I think is more accurate than you probably believe. I’m too inadequate in too many ways to ever be accepted.

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  11. @Stacy

    Hi Stacy, I hope you can get through the next semester. I dropped out once already and it’s hard to get back into it (but not impossible). Please try your best to carry on, it’s a big achievement if you can stick at it!

    Yeah I know what you mean, in fact I think depression is a bigger problem for me now (although I think anxiety and depression feed off each other). Every day is hard and most of the time it’s a challenge just to face people and try to put on a front. I think it’s good to be honest and free to discuss how we are feeling too. Don’t worry about that, you can write whatever you want on here or if you ever want to email me it’s nick[at]socialphobic.co.uk I might not be much help, but sometimes it’s good to just have someone who you can talk to who won’t judge you and know’s how it feels.

    Take care

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  12. Roger

    OK Everyone,

    Pick out the message in these lyrics!

    Remember, we were all born equal and it’s your perception of yourself that matters – forget what you ‘think’ others are thinking of you. Why the heck should you give a damn about their opinions of you, do they worry about what you think of them.

    Live your life for you. Other peoples views really are insignificant to you. YOU are the most important thing on this planet, no-one else.

    You are special to you, love yourself, respect yourself and accept yourself – you are unique and your value on this Earth is the same as everyone else’s. No-one is better or worse than anyone else, just different – exactly the same ‘value’ though.

    Greatest Love Of All

    I believe the children are our future
    Teach them well and let them lead the way
    Show them all the beauty they possess inside
    Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
    Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

    Everybody’s searching for a hero
    People need someone to look up to
    I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
    A lonely place to be
    And so I learned to depend on me

    I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
    If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe
    No matter what they take from me
    They can’t take away my dignity

    Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
    I found the greatest love of all inside of me
    The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
    Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all

    I believe the children are our future
    Teach them well and let them lead the way
    Show them all the beauty they possess inside
    Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
    Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

    I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
    If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe
    No matter what they take from me
    They can’t take away my dignity

    Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
    I found the greatest love of all inside of me
    The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
    Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all

    And if by chance that special place
    That you’ve been dreaming of
    Leads you to a lonely place
    Find your strength in love

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  13. Roger

    Guys,

    OK, here’s my next attempt to get you out of this unnecessary declining emotional state.

    What have you noticed about people with SA?

    Over the years, I’ve noted that people like you and I have a set of particular qualities – we have standards, compassion, empathy, we are sensitive and we care about other people.

    In our lives we have encountered events that have had a significant emotional impact on us. Because we are so sensitive our unconscious mind acts to prevent us from being exposed to similar events in the future by activating the ‘flight’ response.

    After a number of reactions like this, every situation that our unconcious mind perceives to be a potential threat causes the extreme life-saving ‘flight’ response to be triggered.

    We were not social phobic at birth, our environment and experiences conditioned us to react to situations – the stimulus that activates the ‘fight or flight’ reaction.

    Social Phobic people are not shy, weak, inferior or inadequate by character / personality. What they are is simply overly sensitive to some external stimulus.

    I can recall crawling up a flight of stairs through thick smoke, flames and heat. Those people trapped were not going to die because we were in danger of being seriously injured ourselves. My partner and I reached that family’s bedroom door and got between their place of refuge and the flames, holding back those flames until our colleagues rescued them by ladder from the window. For us, on that occasion, the ‘flight or fight’ reaction gave us the ‘fight’ reflex we needed but…………….it could have gone the other way halfway up the stairs, when the heat became almost unbearable.

    The ‘fight or flight’ response is so powerful it performs it’s function extremely efficiently, that’s why social phobics react so extremely to their individual social triggers.

    However, it is an unnecessary learned response to non life threatening social situations. IT CAN BE DE-ACTIVATED in every single person.

    When I think of the extreme emotional pain that you are all going through I feel the need to say to you “you created this interpretation of how you should feel in social situations” – “yes it’s real, it exists, but only in your mind”.

    Well that’s it for now. Look at the tools I have outlined in previous posts. Repeat the techniques for each aspect of your phobia (inferiority, unpopular, different, ugly, worthless, inadequate etc……whatever your individual negative thoughts about yourself may be)

    You can create a new you, a new response to social situations, and when you do – you will find it hard to believe you ever had SA /SP.

    Put simply, it’s your choice – you are choosing to stay stuck in this situation when you could equally choose to step out of that way of thinking and reacting.

    Your thoughts become your reality. Continue to wallow in self criticism and self pity (that’s your present reality, yes?) or choose to think strong positives about yourself instead, and that will become your new reality.

    Social Anxiety (social phobia) can be beaten, YOU can do it, every single one of you.

    Kind Regards

    Roger

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  14. Anonymous

    Hi Guys,

    No, I’m not giving up just because you are all choosing to ignore me!

    Remember, I’ve been through the pain you are all experiencing and I know that SA can be beaten, de-activated, re-framed……………… whatever words you would use for removing it permanently.

    The article below is directly from Gary Craig’s emofree.com newsletter. Gary Craig developed EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and all I can say (as a disbeliever of anything that I don’t understand) is that it works.

    The article relates to ‘FEAR’ which is what we know is the root cause of SA.

    At this stage don’t worry about the abreviations for the tapping points, just read the ‘statements’ alongside each one. You’ll be surprised how many relate to your personal experience of SA.

    Would it be helpful if I posted my email address, to answer any specific questions?

    Regards

    Roger

    FEAR

    Your body is a resource of untapped potential. Your mind has the ability to stop you or propel you forward. Where is your mindset?

    People don’t want to acknowledge fear. Your fear will keep you stuck. Making excuses, procrastinating and putting off uncomfortable things is easy to do. Instead of speaking about your fears what if you spoke to your fears? Speaking back to that fearful voice brings you one step closer to taking back your power. How would you be different if you developed a positive mindset?

    There are three innate fears in infants including sudden motion, loud or abrupt noises, and sudden approach. As you get older those fears diminish. What did they get replaced with? Avoidance, many times, is a learned response to a specific event that occurred earlier in your life. Developing fear is a way of protecting yourself and staying safe. It works and has purpose.

    Some fears are fluid. They come and then go. Others remain. Although fears have purpose, many times they are not based on logic. When you continue to have a fear, then you begin to take actions to avoid being triggered. Avoidance keeps you from moving forward. It actually keeps you focused on the very thing that you are trying to avoid.

    You spend a lot of time doing things because you don’t want to be triggered by fear. That is a negative mindset. The actions you take are based upon avoidance. You do things to avoid having something possibly happen to you. This will keep your subconscious tuned into your fear although you feel like you are making every effort to avoid that feeling. The avoidance attracts more negative.

    The key is making the choice to release the fear and what you have been resisting. Once you can do that you will increase the ability to be drawn toward your goal. You will feel lighter and empowered. Choose to take action because you know that you will be better.

    If you had one fear that you would want to release, what would it be?

    Consider how long you have lived with this fear. Create the opportunity to say anything you want about your fear. What have you been holding onto? This could include resentments, anger, sadness or feeling trapped.

    Choose to let go of the fear. What would you say? Are there things that you always wanted to say, but never had the ability to verbalize? Make the choice to find your voice and talk back to the fear. Take charge and release the thoughts and emotions that feed your resistance.

    GC COMMENT: My favorite method is to reduce fears down to the specific events underlying them. As you go through Loren’s exercise below, see if you can also associate specific events with her language.

    While tapping the karate chop spot on either hand, repeat these phrases out loud, (or change the words to fit your exact situation).

    Even though I have this fear and it keeps me from doing things, I deeply love and accept all parts of myself.

    Even though I spend time thinking about what I don’t want to do and will avoid things that are uncomfortable for me, I choose to continue working toward my goals.

    Even though I do certain things that appear positive, sometimes they are really to avoid my fears, and I can choose to release my fears when I am ready to moving forward with confidence and poise.

    EB: I have been stuck with this for too long now.
    SE: This fear has a grip on me and I don’t know how to release it.
    UE: I avoid doing some things because I am fearful.
    UN: This fear is a burden.
    CH: This fear overshadows me.
    CB: This fear affects my self confidence.
    UA: This fear has been around for too long.
    Top of Head: I will tackle this fear when I am ready to with confidence and courage.

    EB: I know that this fear served a purpose.
    SE: This fear helped to protect me at one time.
    UE: I have hidden behind my fear long enough.
    UN: I am getting ready to release my fear because it does not help me at this time in my life.
    CH: I appreciate how my fear has protected me for this long.
    CB: I know things about myself due to my fear.
    UA: My fear is due to the thought of something happening.
    Top of Head: I will face the fear when I am ready and choose to change my thinking to one of confidence and courage.

    EB: I choose to feel confidence and courage around this situation.
    SE: I choose to realize that the fear is based on a thought and I have the ability to change my thoughts.
    UE: I choose to know that I can do anything that I put my mind to with confidence and poise.
    UN: I know what to do to keep me safe.
    CH: I am a resilient person.
    CB: I can look at this situation as a challenge and develop a new strategy to deal with this.
    UA: I have the choice to change and to release what does not work for me anymore.
    Top of Head: I will choose to release my fear when I am ready to with confidence and ease.

    The fear can be seen as a challenge. You step back and look at all of the angles. Find as many different ways to look at your fears as possible. How would someone else look at this situation? Take time to decide the best way to change your thinking about the fear. The fear is based upon a thought and way of looking at something. That thought is uncomfortable. Is there a different way to think about the situation that is not as uncomfortable?

    Choose the best strategy for overcoming this obstacle.

    Activity: If you had a friend talk to you about something fearful what response would you give to help your friend? List all of the responses that you can think of, no matter how silly it seems. Number the best three. Choose one of those three to try for yourself to see if you can change how you look at what is causing the fear.

    Loren Fogelman, M.Ed.

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  15. I’m sorry Roger, I haven’t been ignoring you, I promise. I’ve just been very tired and unmotivated to write here. I appreciate your advice, I actually signed up and read quite a bit of the material you gave me about that EFT but I can’t help but be sceptical. I really can’t say positive things about myself because it’s just isn’t true. I would feel the same as if I tried to tell myself I was a llama. The sad truth is that not everyone in the world is a good person or acceptable to others, I think it’s naive to think they are. I’m not in denial about being one of the undesirable ones, I know there’s nothing about me that is of interest or value to others.

    “choose to think strong positives about yourself instead, and that will become your new reality.” I don’t really believe this, I’m sorry. I can’t choose to think positive things because they are obviously untrue. I guess one of the only good things I can say about myself is that I am aware of my weaknesses, and there are many.

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  16. Anonymous

    Hi Nick,

    Re the EFT, the good point about that technique is that you actually bring the negatives to mind, so using your comments above a set-up affirmation could be “even though I know there’s nothing about me that is of interest or value to others” I deeply and completely accept myself”

    OK, you’re sceptical, so was I. The positives I wrote about are, with hindsight, inappropriate at this stage.

    Please, if you do nothing else, use the set-up above and then tap through the sequence a couple of times. Then sleep on it and see if you still feel the same about yourself (referring to your set-up statement).

    It really makes no difference if you believe it works or not, don’t waste time even thinking about it……….just do it and judge it by the results.

    You will have many negative opinions about yourself, address them in the same way as above and dont be put off by how many surface, deal with them one-by-one.

    Please let us all know how you get on and….if you want to post some of the negative self perceptions you have in a list form that will help me to identify core issues.

    Kindest Regards and Best Wishes for freeing yourself from this nightmare,

    Roger

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    • @Anonymous
      Hi Roger. Unfortunately, I don’t deeply and completely accept myself and I think to do so in my case would be ridiculous. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be intentionally ungrateful but I just don’t think it’s right for me. Out of interest, what happens if someone tries it and it makes no difference to how they feel? I’m just not convinced affirmations like that are going to do me any good because I just don’t believe in the phrases I would have to say.

      You want a list.. ok but its long:

      I am, by my own and everyone else’s/western societies ideals, extremely ugly.
      I am so repulsive as a person, even though I am 24 I have never had a relationship with a girl, or even kissed a girl
      Overweight
      Too serious, don’t find things everyone else likes doing to be fun
      Have no life experience, spent most of life inside and isolated from people
      Can’t start or carry on conversations
      Am too scared of what people think so can’t do basic things like getting a haircut, buying clothes in a store
      I have no hobbies and have never done anything interesting
      Probably too pretentious
      Too afraid to fail so avoided doing anything when I was younger, consequently have no skills at pretty much anything
      Can’t let my opinion on things be known because I am afraid of being mocked
      No friends in real life
      Never had a proper job for more than a few months
      Failed at university
      Am always in a bad mood and make others feel miserable
      Too quiet
      Selfish
      Financially irresponsible
      Self obsessed
      I hate myself so much I want to kill myself
      Waste other people’s time and money by being treated
      Wasted my youth hiding away from everyone and not doing anything productive
      Make others uncomfortable by talking about my problems
      Leech off my mum and still live at home
      Lazy
      Elitest
      Impatient with others

      That’s all I can think of for now. Thank you for your kind wishes but I don’t think I really deserve them.

      Like

  17. Roger

    Nick,

    Thanks for the list of the 28 faults you have identified. Also thanks for being so honest and open about your self-perception.

    Believe me, I’ve had quite a few of those thoughts about myself but………. as a therapist, I’ve also helped clients with similar critical opinions of themselves and they didn’t have SA.

    Well if we eliminated one a day, in less than a month we could be free of all of them. “Yes – but” I hear you say “there are many more like those that eat away at me”!!!

    OK Nick, let’s deal with those when they come to the top of the pile!

    Nick, you don’t have to say you love and accept yourself, in fact, please say “I do NOT love and I do NOT accept myself” instead.

    The most important thing is that you identify the self critical thought, so:-

    While tapping the Karate Chop spot on the edge of either hand, SAY…

    “Because I am, by my own and everyone else’s/western societies ideals, extremely ugly” I CAN not accept and WILL not accept myself as a worthwhile human being”

    Repeat this negative statement about yourself 3 times then……

    tap 7 times at each point as per the EFT guide

    eyebrow
    side of eye
    under eye
    under nose
    under bottom lip
    collarbone
    under arm
    under nipple
    karate chop point
    crown of head……….and repeat this through again(without the statement) to the crown again.

    Now reflect on the validity of the negative statment, is it still as high as before you started?

    If so, go through the sequence again and again but insert the word ‘REMAINING’ before the negative part of the statement.

    OK, I am away for 2 weeks and unlikely to be able to access the internet.

    However, if you could humour me by just trying the above on the top 3 of your list, in that time, we’ll see how things are when I get back.

    Take care Nick (and those readers who hopefully will be trying this too).

    Kindest Regards

    Roger

    Like

    • Ok Roger, I tried it out but I feel no different. I’m afraid that the truth can’t be denied 😦 I really am ugly, there are many out there who are too, I’m probably in the bottom 5% of the population looks-wise. The fact that in 24 and never even been kissed backs this up. I’m sorry, I just don’t think reminding myself of my flaws will do any good 😦

      Like

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