I can’t think of a good title. Stupid as I am, I forgot to take my mess last night so woke up this morning feeling like crap. Vaguely unsettling hungover like feeling, dull headache and I have no energy at all.
The damn crisis team phoned me on the train and talked me into having another home visit on Monday. I don’t really see the point, I don’t like or feel comfortable with them so I can’t tell them anything relevant or new. I just want to get them out of there as quick as possible.
There isn’t anything they can do. My problems are too long term and deeply ingrained to be solved in a 30 minute form-filling session.
My brain is fried today. It’s taken me about half an hour to write this rubbish. Coming off venlafaxine is going to screw me up badly. I’m supposed to be down to 75 this week but I don’t know if I can do it. Suicidal thoughts are constantly swirling around my head. They are chronic, not acute (if I may use a probably misinterpreted medical phrasing) and there is going to be no easy way to stop them.
I’m going to have to wait ages for cbt and I probably won’t even be in Lincoln by the time it starts so moving places will have been pointless. I just hope for my families sake that I can keep on treading water for a while longer.