Maybe I don’t explain myself properly. I don’t mean that I am boring as in someone who collects stamps or train spots or whatever stereotypically “boring” thing is relevant these days. I simply have no personality. All there is inside me is hate for myself, jealousy because others get to connect with people, and a deep sense of hopelessness that can only ever be temporarily avoided.
Seriously, anyone who reads this please answer: Can you think of a funny story from when you were a teenager or at university etc? Anything silly that you and your friends did. What about a good time, like someone’s birthday party maybe? A Friday night you went out and had a great time? To someone’s house? A holiday?
If you asked me this, then I couldn’t answer a single one. I seriously just came home from school every day and sat around, same on weekends. The only holidays I’ve been on are family holidays when I spent the whole time with my parents, I never even joined the kids club things that have at places like Haven (a Butlins type chain of places). Parties? Nope. Didn’t go to the school leaving do or Christmas parties or anyone’s birthday. Never went out to any pubs or anywhere at all on Friday nights or Saturdays, I just stayed in and watched TV or played games.
Perhaps there might be a small chance of something good coming from this, like if I spent all my time obsessively playing an instrument or reading or anything that is even slightly useful or interesting. I didn’t though. My life is just a blur. I sigh when people refer to a misspent youth, referring to getting into trouble or skipping school to go and hang out with people. At least they have made some social progress.