Feeling worse at night

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Does anyone else tend to get far more depressed at night time? I’ve been fairly cheerful and maybe even happy at times today. I enjoyed seeing my mum pleased about how I spent some time with people and didn’t act like a fuck-up for one time in my life. It’s over now though, I keep thinking about death. That is what occupies my mind for most of the day, how and when. I’m not in a particular crisis at the moment, I just can’t think of any reason why I want to be alive. If you gave me a button I could press to instantly erase myself from existence, I’d have no hesistation. I want to ask other people why they want to live. Why they’d fight so hard to live another day, even when they are in far worse situations than me.

I don’t know of anything that makes the pain worth bearing. I have nothing to look forward to. Die alone at 70 or right now. What’s the difference?

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4 thoughts on “Feeling worse at night

  1. Lola Snow

    I think it’s pretty common with depression for it to be worse at specific times of the day. Depending on the type it’s either morning or evening. Like Lareve said, you have made so many positive steps recently, things are going to get easier. Try not to leave yourself too unoccupied in the evenings (Says the hypocrite!) I always find I dwell on things late at night because there is less to take my mind off them. Can you add a bit more structure to your evenings, like a routine, or a project to work on? It’s not easy, but having a plan can make the time seem to drag less.

    Lola x

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  2. Thanks Lareve, I’m glad you’re back.

    Lola: I don’t know if things will get easier, maybe what I wrote in this post is how I really am and all I can ever do is temporarily distract myself from the pain. I don’t really have a routine, I’m often awake until the early hours so there isn’t really much I can do at that time. Night is definitely the hardest time for me though, it’s when I feel most lonely and sad 😦

    Penny: Thanks, I was feeling good when I wrote that post, and I’m a bit better after meeting my forum friend today but there are still nagging feelings in the back of my mind, I’m going to write a post about it soon.

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