Does anyone else tend to get far more depressed at night time? I’ve been fairly cheerful and maybe even happy at times today. I enjoyed seeing my mum pleased about how I spent some time with people and didn’t act like a fuck-up for one time in my life. It’s over now though, I keep thinking about death. That is what occupies my mind for most of the day, how and when. I’m not in a particular crisis at the moment, I just can’t think of any reason why I want to be alive. If you gave me a button I could press to instantly erase myself from existence, I’d have no hesistation. I want to ask other people why they want to live. Why they’d fight so hard to live another day, even when they are in far worse situations than me.
I don’t know of anything that makes the pain worth bearing. I have nothing to look forward to. Die alone at 70 or right now. What’s the difference?