Sick of myself

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Why do people hate me? I just walked my sister to the bus stop and on my way back someone decided to scream as loud as they could out of a car window at me and then drive off 😦 Why is looking weird a reason to be punished over and over? 

I’m so utterly sick of myself and everything in my life. I feel like I could just cry for hours but I don’t want to. I want to hurt myself, I fucking hate who I’ve become and how pathetic I am, I hate this stupid, repulsive body and every insult and laugh it’s caused me to suffer. I hate my retarded defective brain, I just wish I could see it crushed on the pavement. 24 years is long enough of being a laughing stock.

Of course I have no friends to console me, no one to give me a hug. All I can do is complain impotently to the internet. I’m a waste of life.

I don’t know if i can wait until next week. i feel like stabbing myself a hundred times

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7 thoughts on “Sick of myself

  1. Lola Snow

    What give them the right to make you feel like this? Nothing. Nothing gives anyone the right to make another person feel small and inferior. As they say
    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”

    Please stay

    Lola x

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  2. Nick

    It took me over an hour to stop shaking, I’m anxious enough as it is 😦 I know it’s not the answer but the psychiatrist refused angrily (slammed his fist on to the table) when I asked for 1 dose of diazepam for my first day at university, I’ve had to acquire it in other ways since then. I wish I had some left now

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  3. Once someone was having a go at me for not crossing the road fast enough when they were in their car. It really made me feel crap for ages, and I don’t know why people are like that. They probably weren’t even screaming at you because of your looks, people do random things like that for any reason and for no reason at all. It’s horrible, but honestly they probably don’t even think anything about you – some people in England will do stuff like that if you just glance at them

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  4. Nick

    Sorry Penny 😦 I feel bad about things like that for ages too, I end up replaying them in my mind over and over. It’s a dead end street and there are only houses around there so it’s not like they’d just come from the pub, I think they must have seen me walking towards them and thought it’d be a laugh to scare the local weirdo 😦

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