I’ve been stuck inside all day, most of it spent in this chair where I’m sat now. My sleep pattern is all over the place, I woke up at 7 this morning and fell asleep again at 9, not getting up until 1pm. Consequently I am not tired at all, I feel like running through the icy streets until I’m out of breath and my muscles ache. I’m becoming tired of my life here, tired of being alone, tired of having nowhere to go and nothing to do. At least at uni there is the opportunity to do something worthwhile, even if I rarely take it.
I know my last ramble sounded a lot more positive, but it should have been posted on Thursday while I was still high on my brief taste of normality. I feel awkward and conflicted now. I managed to avoid panicking and no-one laughed at me, but I wasn’t one of them. I get special treatment, in a way it’s good because I’m not held to the same standards as them but I’m not a real person either. I’m probably making no sense at all, it’s difficult to explain. *sigh*
I want to get on a train to that place I thought about and throw myself off a cliff. I’m sick of being numb, maybe I’d feel alive for a few seconds at least.