Emptiness

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I had a few moments of relief from the anguish this afternoon, my classes went well and I know a fair amount of the stuff we’ll be covering already. I even managed to talk to one of my future housemates for a good 5 minutes or so in the kitchen.

It didn’t last long though, they are all off out tonight and I confined myself to my room while the noisy good times of pre-club preparation were going on. I can’t stand to be around drunken shoutiness and all that :-S I at least managed to make myself some pasta to eat for dinner once they left. That’s been getting a lot worse just recently, I’ve missed so many meals over the last month of being here, I could stand to lose a lot weight but still…

The bad thoughts never leave, every time I see a tall building I find myself assessing its suitability. I can’t stop thinking about how I’d be able to swallow that many pills. My organ donor card came today, I’m not sure how much of me will be of any use after they scrape me off the floor but hopefully someone more deserving of life will get a little bit more than they otherwise would have.

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