No daylight

Standard

I don’t know where the last week went. I didn’t see daylight between Tuesday and Friday, I couldn’t face the world so I dosed up and slept throughout the days and was kept awake by the sound of people enjoying themselves through the nights. I managed to hand the one piece of work I had to do over Christmas in luckily. I’ve returned to the old ways of counting every hour I have left in my safe bubble away from the staring faces and malicious laughter, away from the passive taunting of what could have been if only I wasn’t such a tremendous fuck up and so god damn hideous. The old me is slowly returning, no desire to better myself any more, I just want an end. 

I’m a lost and hopeless cause. If pathetic, lonely middle aged man who lives with his long suffering parent, still under the delusion that their son is wonderful, is the best I can hope for… well fuck that. I’d rather die with the illusion that I had a life ahead of me than after making real the pathetic mess that I will inevitably become.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “No daylight

  1. you do have a life ahead of u … it could be a great one if u take some chances and be positive. locking yourself away and slipping into old habits will only perpetuate the negatives. focus on the great things you have done … u took a chance with going back to school and have made it to a second semester. things can be great if u give urself a chance 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s