I wish I knew what it was like to have someone care about me who wasn’t (fixed bad typo) obligated to. I wish I had the opportunity to call someone up and go to the cinema. I wish I didn’t have to eat alone every day.
I crave human contact; I’m not asexual, though I might as well be for what it’s worth. Being able to hold a person in my arms, to be kissed, it’s a distant and impossible dream for me. I’m supposedly an adult now but I haven’t got past the social development stage of a 12 year old. People younger than me are married and have kids, I still wonder what it’d be like to hold a girls hand. I’m completely pathetic and broken, I let myself get way beyond the stage where the damage could be repaired. I know I’m ugly, but I’ve seen people even worse looking than me with partners so maybe if I’d stopped myself becoming such a retarded shut-in I might have been salvageable.
I feel empty. It’s hard for me to sympathise with people who are upset following the break up of a relationship; at least they know it’s possible for another human to find them desirable in the first place, some of us have never and will never know that.
I’m just a frightened, emotionally stunted child inside a fat, ugly mans body.