So after a brief period of feeling alright, I’m finding it hard not to think about being dead again. My therapist seems to think that my meeting new people should make me feel better but it hasn’t really helped much. If I were to look at what happened objectively, these attempts at socialising just reinforced what a quiet and uninteresting person I am. I barely said anything of note and while I had a nice time with my friend at the weekend, I can’t help but feel it must have been excruciating to spend time with someone as dull as me.
I don’t think I’m ever going to escape these feelings, even in these “make believe” social events, I am still useless and stand no chance when I’m eventually going to have to try and get on with people who don’t know what SA is or care about how difficult simple conversations are for me.
*Sigh* hopefully I’ll be better tomorrow.