I Am a Failure

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So after a brief period of feeling alright, I’m finding it hard not to think about being dead again. My therapist seems to think that my meeting new people should make me feel better but it hasn’t really helped much. If I were to look at what happened objectively, these attempts at socialising just reinforced what a quiet and uninteresting person I am. I barely said anything of note and while I had a nice time with my friend at the weekend, I can’t help but feel it must have been excruciating to spend time with someone as dull as me.

I don’t think I’m ever going to escape these feelings, even in these “make believe” social events, I am still useless and stand no chance when I’m eventually going to have to try and get on with people who don’t know what SA is or care about how difficult simple conversations are for me.

*Sigh* hopefully I’ll be better tomorrow.

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4 thoughts on “I Am a Failure

  1. People try to get me to go out, meet new ones etc. I find it awful. I avoid it, which yes inturn makes me lonelier it’s easier than fighting back the bile when attempting to say “hey” x

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  2. charlie

    I think I kind of know what your going through just for the fact that I myself had to deal with the suicide of my big brother about 2 years or so ago. He always felt dull himself, and sometimes, hurtfully, I myself felt the same way, but I was wrong.
    He had no friends, but me as his only social life. he did not get along with our parents and on a fatefull sunny morning, he had to leave us.
    I don’t think many people recognize the pain that I’m going through, not to say that I’m the only one that is greiving. I feel that sorrow, hurtfullness, pain, humiliation, that yucky feeling you get inside asking why you exist.
    I myself felt the same in some aspects.
    you have to keep faith even though you are down at times. it is hard, but you have to keep trying your best. the best has yet to come my friend.

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  3. confessionsofaschizotypal

    I KNOW how you all feel… My disease tries to keep me down too.

    I end up just going out into the forest or woods to think & to figure out what Im gonna do….

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  4. charlie

    thats good sometimes to get it away from it all. I love walking into my backyard into the woods over there. Feels like no one is around but myself.

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