Thanks for the kind comments, they did help me feel better in what has been a very rough week for me. I felt more suicidal than I have since 2006 and I honestly thought it might come to that 😦
I’ve got a bit better, things don’t seem quite as hopeless now though I am feeling guilty because my sister found out because one of my online friends told her. I’m not mad at her for doing that, I didn’t leave her much choice. It was selfish of me to talk about such matters and scare her. My mum has found out as well now and left me a letter asking me not to do anything drastic 😦 I can’t bring myself to discuss this out loud with her so I’m just acting as if nothing happened at the moment. Not healthy, I know, but I’m used to this kind of head-in-the-sand way of being.
Last night I got an email from the online friend of mine who had disappeared for over 5 months. I was so overjoyed to hear from her again, I had being trying to reach her for so long and sometimes feared the worst since she has depression, OCD and SA. Thankfully she is ok, though she was obviously feeling really guilty and was very apologetic. I was just so happy, the first time I’d felt that way in a long time.
I’m going to make a proper post later, I’m just so tired at the moment because I didn’t sleep at all last night so I’ve been up for 32 hours now..