I managed to explain to my mum what happened, and after calling the student finance people I discovered that I’m not eligible for tuition loan because of my previous college course. Apparently even if I had not taken out a loan (which I had to do to pay for it) I still wouldn’t be eligible because of the subsidised fees back then. So they are retroactively punishing people for taking courses when there was more financial help available, great.
Luckily for me, my mums boyfriend has offered to lend me the money for the first years worth of tuition so I can still go. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a job over next summer to pay for the second year. It’s hard to describe my feelings about this though. On one hand I’m hugely relieved because I was seriously feeling suicidal before when I thought I’d lost everything. I really can’t go on living how I am at the moment, so sheltered and constantly being subjected to snarky comments and discouragement about changing myself. On the other hand, I feel so guilty about taking that amount of money from someone, especially since I don’t really know him all that well (I’m too anxious to hold a proper conversation with him).
I really want to thank him for his generosity but it’s so hard for me to talk seriously to people, I think I might write him a letter. Anyway, hopefully I’ve got over the arduous process of application by now, there shouldn’t be any more hurdles to overcome before I actually go there.